Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests,
But he son of man has nowhere to lay his head.
Matthew 8:20
Throughout Indian philosophical texts, it is frequently stated that the higher spirit created a universal law, and then the higher spirit itself came under jurisdiction of this universal law. The creator is not separated from its creation, thus the creator (which is in all of us) has to go through the same human processes of life such as joy, pain, and suffering. Christian tradition, as Lord Jesus expresses in the above quote, reaffirms the idea that even God cannot escape the sufferings in the human form. In suffering, the nature of God is bloomed fully in the human heart. Hildegard of Bingen expressed the idea of the human condition (suffering) beautifully in the words, “God does not dwell in bodies that are whole.”
A couple weeks ago, I was once again hospitalized. Having to stay for a week for procedures and follow-ups, I felt frustrated and saddened. I went back to the familiar, intense emotions of self-pity, wondering why this was happening. Simultaneously, I was going through another set of thoughts, wondering: why should I be different than millions who have gone and are going through some sort of pain and suffering? Life is always divided into extreme emotions, with a lot of others in the middle, leading to confusion.
We all live a divided life, wearing false armors and masks of various roles and personalities hiding our true selves. This separation leads to emotional division, confusion and a yearning for wholeness. As children, we come unmasked into this world. The encounters with fears, insecurity, social pressures, and traditions make us wear various armors under the guise of self-protection and conformity. Through these constant exercises, we bury our true selves behind these masks. Throughout life, various happenings implore us to reconnect with our true selves, but they are brief, like shooting stars. It is mainly through big, irretrievable losses and the resultant suffering that we hear the call.
Ring the bells that still can ring,
Forget your perfect offering,
There is a crack in everything,
That is how the light gets in.
Leonard Cohen
Suffering shatters the tinted glass houses we live in, but it also allows the light to enter unhindered and unchanged. I remember the story of Rembrandt, a famous Dutch painter. He went through untold sufferings in his life. He kept on marching towards wholeness though, creating one beautiful painting after another. Most of his paintings had religious themes. His 4 kids died, most at a young age, all within a few years of each other. His first wife died while his second was committed to a mental asylum. With each tragedy, his paintings became more and more beautiful. One of his last paintings commissioned shortly before his death in 1669 was “The Return of the Prodigal Son,” depicting the moment the wayward son returns to his father in Luke’s biblical parable; it is considered one of Rembrandt’s best. In the picture, the nearly blind father is depicted as tenderly receiving and welcoming his son back home, showing that God’s mercy falls equally on saints and sinners. Rembrandt used his own suffering as a vehicle to journey towards wholeness, uncover his true self, and continue to share his artistic gift.
I, in my own way, am trying to make a humble effort towards wholeness. In order to help me focus on the elements of the journey, I have coined a sentence, “I Am En Route.”
“I” stands for intention. Without sincere intention and desire to look deeply inside, no change is possible. Once one focuses into his/her life with the right intention, the first door towards wholeness opens. In the words of an Indian poet:
Yeh Kya Kaha Toone Naadan, Key Fayaze Kudrat Aam Nahin
Tu Fikre Nazar to Paida Kar, Kya Cheez Jo Inam Nahin
(O My ignorant friend, do not say that the grace of God is not common. Develop the right intention and every boon will come to you)
“A” in “Am” stands for attention. Without paying attention to the need of the soul, intention does not bear fruits. According to poet Mary Oliver:
This is the first, wildest, and wisest thing I know that the soul exists,
And that is built entirely out of attentiveness.
“E” in “En” stands for emotional intensity. One has to be willing to face intense emotions, resulting in feelings of vulnerability and confusion. Through these intense feelings of vulnerability and resulting fear, a path of fearlessness opens. Fear is a precondition to becoming fearless.
“R” in “Route” stands for restraint. While a commitment to emotional intensity is important, unchecked intensity has led millions to disillusionment and depression. Restraint allows us to manage our feelings and actions, and implement a “checks and balances” system in our lives. For example, we tend to make New Years resolutions with tremendous emotional intensity. Because these resolutions are made without restraint, we burn out and give up quickly. The subject of restraint brings to my mind a story which was narrated by Nikos Kazanzakis in Zorba The Greek. In the story, the protagonist sees a caterpillar changing into a butterfly that is trying to break out of its cocoon. He wanted to help, so exhaled warm air onto the butterfly. By doing this and trying to hasten the process, he killed the butterfly. In his own words:
“That little body is, I do believe, the greatest weight I have on my conscience. For I realize today that it is a moral sin to violate the great laws of nature. We should not hurry, we should not be impatient, but we should confidently obey the eternal rhythm.”
The spiritual journey to deal with and overcome suffering can be like climbing a steep, slippery mountain. In order to successfully climb, one needs to practice intention, attention, emotional intensity, and restraint. I am hoping that these elements will become components of my journey and therefore, I am continuing to work towards that goal; I am en route.
But he son of man has nowhere to lay his head.
Matthew 8:20
Throughout Indian philosophical texts, it is frequently stated that the higher spirit created a universal law, and then the higher spirit itself came under jurisdiction of this universal law. The creator is not separated from its creation, thus the creator (which is in all of us) has to go through the same human processes of life such as joy, pain, and suffering. Christian tradition, as Lord Jesus expresses in the above quote, reaffirms the idea that even God cannot escape the sufferings in the human form. In suffering, the nature of God is bloomed fully in the human heart. Hildegard of Bingen expressed the idea of the human condition (suffering) beautifully in the words, “God does not dwell in bodies that are whole.”
A couple weeks ago, I was once again hospitalized. Having to stay for a week for procedures and follow-ups, I felt frustrated and saddened. I went back to the familiar, intense emotions of self-pity, wondering why this was happening. Simultaneously, I was going through another set of thoughts, wondering: why should I be different than millions who have gone and are going through some sort of pain and suffering? Life is always divided into extreme emotions, with a lot of others in the middle, leading to confusion.
We all live a divided life, wearing false armors and masks of various roles and personalities hiding our true selves. This separation leads to emotional division, confusion and a yearning for wholeness. As children, we come unmasked into this world. The encounters with fears, insecurity, social pressures, and traditions make us wear various armors under the guise of self-protection and conformity. Through these constant exercises, we bury our true selves behind these masks. Throughout life, various happenings implore us to reconnect with our true selves, but they are brief, like shooting stars. It is mainly through big, irretrievable losses and the resultant suffering that we hear the call.
Ring the bells that still can ring,
Forget your perfect offering,
There is a crack in everything,
That is how the light gets in.
Leonard Cohen
Suffering shatters the tinted glass houses we live in, but it also allows the light to enter unhindered and unchanged. I remember the story of Rembrandt, a famous Dutch painter. He went through untold sufferings in his life. He kept on marching towards wholeness though, creating one beautiful painting after another. Most of his paintings had religious themes. His 4 kids died, most at a young age, all within a few years of each other. His first wife died while his second was committed to a mental asylum. With each tragedy, his paintings became more and more beautiful. One of his last paintings commissioned shortly before his death in 1669 was “The Return of the Prodigal Son,” depicting the moment the wayward son returns to his father in Luke’s biblical parable; it is considered one of Rembrandt’s best. In the picture, the nearly blind father is depicted as tenderly receiving and welcoming his son back home, showing that God’s mercy falls equally on saints and sinners. Rembrandt used his own suffering as a vehicle to journey towards wholeness, uncover his true self, and continue to share his artistic gift.
I, in my own way, am trying to make a humble effort towards wholeness. In order to help me focus on the elements of the journey, I have coined a sentence, “I Am En Route.”
“I” stands for intention. Without sincere intention and desire to look deeply inside, no change is possible. Once one focuses into his/her life with the right intention, the first door towards wholeness opens. In the words of an Indian poet:
Yeh Kya Kaha Toone Naadan, Key Fayaze Kudrat Aam Nahin
Tu Fikre Nazar to Paida Kar, Kya Cheez Jo Inam Nahin
(O My ignorant friend, do not say that the grace of God is not common. Develop the right intention and every boon will come to you)
“A” in “Am” stands for attention. Without paying attention to the need of the soul, intention does not bear fruits. According to poet Mary Oliver:
This is the first, wildest, and wisest thing I know that the soul exists,
And that is built entirely out of attentiveness.
“E” in “En” stands for emotional intensity. One has to be willing to face intense emotions, resulting in feelings of vulnerability and confusion. Through these intense feelings of vulnerability and resulting fear, a path of fearlessness opens. Fear is a precondition to becoming fearless.
“R” in “Route” stands for restraint. While a commitment to emotional intensity is important, unchecked intensity has led millions to disillusionment and depression. Restraint allows us to manage our feelings and actions, and implement a “checks and balances” system in our lives. For example, we tend to make New Years resolutions with tremendous emotional intensity. Because these resolutions are made without restraint, we burn out and give up quickly. The subject of restraint brings to my mind a story which was narrated by Nikos Kazanzakis in Zorba The Greek. In the story, the protagonist sees a caterpillar changing into a butterfly that is trying to break out of its cocoon. He wanted to help, so exhaled warm air onto the butterfly. By doing this and trying to hasten the process, he killed the butterfly. In his own words:
“That little body is, I do believe, the greatest weight I have on my conscience. For I realize today that it is a moral sin to violate the great laws of nature. We should not hurry, we should not be impatient, but we should confidently obey the eternal rhythm.”
The spiritual journey to deal with and overcome suffering can be like climbing a steep, slippery mountain. In order to successfully climb, one needs to practice intention, attention, emotional intensity, and restraint. I am hoping that these elements will become components of my journey and therefore, I am continuing to work towards that goal; I am en route.
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