Radiant Return
  • Blog
  • Author
  • Contact

Self Compassion is not Self Indulgence

2/6/2015

12 Comments

 
Picture
Wherever you go,
Whatever you do,
Be in love.
Rumi, A 12th century Sufi Mystic

***

In this past weekend’s Superbowl, the Seattle Seahawks loss at the last minute was totally unexpected.  In retrospect, and as all of the USA knows by now, the call to have Russel Wilson pass the ball instead of covering the last yard with brute force, turned out to be their undoing. Wilson could have barraged the internet with posts of self-pity, place blame on his coach and team mates, and perhaps even use the kiss of death: taunt the public. Instead of flooding his mind with negativity, the young QB admitted his defeat and looked for a way to grow.  He was kind and compassionate to himself. I am now a fan.


At a surface level, self-compassion may be mistaken for self-indulgence. These are two very different feelings. Self-indulgence occurs when one takes actions for self-defeating purposes. On one extreme, self-indulgent individuals over-indulge in activities that allow them to be surrounded be people, because they feel inadequate.  They need love and friendship on their own terms. They have a fear of facing themselves, and constantly engage in activities like shopping, dating, etc. At another extreme, self-indulgent people may over-indulge in needing attention. They have self-deprecating thoughts, such as “I am a loser,” “No one likes me,” and “My life is worthless.” In this extreme, one also has FOMO (Urban Dictionary: Fear of Missing Out). This self-indulged person becomes a tormented writer of his/her journey where there is no escape from self-inflicted wounds. Despite the specifics of the type of indulgence, self-indulgent people fall into what is called as the “Setting Sun Mentality.” Hyper emotions and desires deaden the soul of man, and create a realm of nightmares.

Self-compassion, on the other hand, is when one tries to deeply understand their root feelings and works to be happy and healthy. While this may be difficult, the long term payoffs are positive, whereas self indulgence gives temporary and superficial pleasure.

Self-indulgence is easy to engage in. On the contrary, self-compassion requires a journey deep into one’s psyche that necessitates the strength of a warrior. The journey may look like a travel into unfamiliar foreign lands. However, one should remember this land always existed, and the traveler is the foreigner seeing himself/herself differently for the first time.

In the words of Apostle Paul, “When we are honest about our frustrations and pains and respond to ourselves in this pain with love: that heals.” Self-compassion aims at looking at one’s suffering and eliminating its causes. The journey of learning self-compassion requires soul-searching. Carl Jung once said, “People will do anything no matter how absurd, in order to avoid their own souls.” The journey requires one to exercise his/her atrophied soul with introspection, fearlessness, and compassion. Self-Compassion is about becoming aware of and in-sync with your true nature.

Unfortunately, human nature is contradictory. On one hand, it is drawn towards hedonism and physical gratification, and on the other hand, it also responds to the call of inner beauty that transcends ego.

So, how does one go from darkness of indulgence to light of compassion? I am sure that enlightened souls have shown us a multitude of ways. I am quoting one from my spiritual background. Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji, in one his compositions,says:

Bhareye hath pair tan deh, Paani dhotey utras kheh
Mut paliti kapar hoe, De sabun laiai oh dhoe
Bhareye Mat Papa ke sang, Oh dhopai nave ke rang.
Sri Guru Granth Sahib, Page 4 (Japji Sahib, Pauri 20)  

The underlying message of the composition is that just like the body is cleansed by water and soiled clothes are cleansed by soap, similarly, human sins are cleansed by practicing the higher inspirational virtues.  In Indian spiritual writings, sins are often considered actions which create disharmony inside and out. According to this wisdom, one sins when he/she is consumed in actions that are not in accordance of his/her true nature.  Self-compassion is a bridge that takes one from disharmony created by  self-indulgence to loving kindness, fearlessness, and honesty, thus making  one a true warrior.

The practice of self-compassion requires mindfulness and perseverance. Such practice reduces the suffering caused by self-induced emotional tormenting, or pain as a result of an irreparable loss. Any ego-driven feelings become a minor neurosis. These feelings may still come here and there just to say hello.

In summary, I think self-compassion requires one to be affectionate to oneself.  According to sages, self-compassion creates a joyous celestial music in practitioner’s heart which is not affected by ups or downs, success or failures, and loss or gain.  So in this spirit, I hope that wherever we go, whatever we do, we all treat ourselves with love and dignity in such a way that our true self gets wings and is able to fly above the clouds to see the rising sun.


12 Comments
Manjit
2/6/2015 12:58:17 pm

Time to start our journey to self-compassion thank you for the beautiful insight .

Reply
Deepa Bagga
2/6/2015 10:04:34 pm

Loved how you tied in the Super Bowl into this topic of self compassion---- makes it real! Thank you for guiding us along through your blogs into constantly evolving, improving our inner souls!

Reply
Nina Grewal
2/7/2015 02:12:20 am

Beautiful thoughts on self compassion. Thanks for the lovely post. Keep writing...

Reply
Rupa sawhney
2/7/2015 10:56:22 am

Paul Veerji im so amazed at your deep knowledge.It took me some time to respond to your blog as I was not able to gather the courage.As all know I went thru this journey due to detection of breast cancer in year 2012 and went thru the painful treatment options my way but only one thing gave me strength was Gurbani.It gave me strength to believe in positivity.The positive approach and our belief in Gurbani will pull anyone out of any situation.The books by Anita moorjani was my support for positive attitude in beliveing that all will be fine.I want to spread the message of positivity all the way.Keep doing the great work Paul Veerji.!!

Reply
Rupa
2/10/2015 09:36:49 am

Dear Rupa
You are a soldier. I have always marveled at the strength you exhibited in the early days of your diagnosis. No doubt you have moved from strength to strength.
The Anita Moorjani's book recommended by you was the first book I read. Her story is awe inspiring.
Keep up your spirits and faith in something mush larger and beyond comprehension for us
Paul

Reply
janet kimball
2/8/2015 06:48:59 am

Dear Paul,
Indeed, it is true that the life of every living being is full of challenges, highs and lows, losses and gains, and successes and failures. I try to remind myself often that no man is an island; no one is immune to this roller coaster of what life has in store for us. However, I am also mindful that each and every one of us has been given free will--the choice to deal with what life dishes out in a positive way or a negative way. One can face life by being tough on ourselves and others or he can choose to face life with an open mind and an open heart, remembering, above all, to "let it be."

I never tire of watching a flock of geese silhouetted against the deep blue sky. I am always struck by their perfect formation and their attention-getting cries, year after year, in the cycle of life.
Mary Oliver is a poet I greatly admire. Her poetry has been inspired to a large extent by Rumi. I believe the following poem more aptly expresses my message:

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of rain are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clear blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
The world offers itself to your imagination,
Calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
Over and over announcing your place
In the family of things.

May we all be successful in opening our hearts so that our souls can soar. Thank you Paul, for starting us off on our journey.

Peace, Janet

Reply
Janet
2/10/2015 10:03:53 am

Hi Janet
Thanks for sharing your beautiful thoughts. I look forward to your comments and view points. My knowledge of Christianity is based on reading a few limited number of books, but have never read Bible. It is like someone exploring the ocean on a boat rather than diving to see the depths. Your comments giving references of Bible definitely shed more light.
Regarding Mary Oliver, no words can justify the beauty of her poetry. She has acknowledged that she is deeply influenced by Rumi. One of my favorite from her writing is:
I go down to the shore in the morning
And depending on the hour the waves
Are rolling in or moving out,
And I say: oh,I am miserable,
What shall, what should I do?
And the sea says in its lovely voice
Excuse me, I have work to do




Reply
Ravinder S Kohli
2/8/2015 10:01:24 am

Paul,
Well put about self compassion.This is totally different from selfishness.The former is for self betterment both inwardly and outwardly and the latter is all about oneself even if it is detrimental to others!

Reply
Sheena Khurana
2/9/2015 09:05:29 am

Hi Pal Chacha,

Loved your blog. Just quoting and picking up from your last paragraph, "When one is truly self-compassionate, suffering does not cause discontent, but rather is a state of being where it has a new meaning," it brings to mind lines from Salok Mehl 9, in which Guru Tegh Bahadur ji expresses the Godly state of mind where there is feeling of equivalence towards happiness and sorrow. It is not an easy (and likely impossible) state of mind for us humans to attain but we can certainly strive towards it.

ਹਰਖ ਸੌਗ ਜਾ ਕੈ ਨਹੀ ਬੈਰੀ ਮੀਤ ਸਮਾਨਿ
harakh sog jaa kai nahee bairee meet samaan.
One who is not affected by pleasure or pain, who looks upon friend and enemy alike

ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਸੁਨਿ ਰੇ ਮਨਾ ਮੁਕਤਿ ਤਾਹ ਤੈ ਜਾਨਿ
kaho naanak sun ray manaa mukat taahi tai jaan. ||15||
- says Nanak, listen, mind: know that such a person is liberated. ||15||

(Guru Granth Sahib ji Page 1427)

Reply
Sheena
2/10/2015 10:13:18 am

Dear Sheena
Thanks for your comments and examples of Gurbani. Guru Sahib before taking the Guru Gaddi spent numerous years of his life contemplating on human nature and what can one do to live a liberated life. His composions reflect his deep understanding. Life's impermanence had deeply affected his thought process. That is why his reflections on death and how to live a good life are very powerful.His thinking was remarkably close to Socrates.
Love
Pal Chacha

Reply
Joseph Cerulli
2/9/2015 10:56:15 pm

Excellent insight ,,, Thank you

Reply
Dolly Sappal
2/20/2015 05:34:09 am

Thank you for this Paul your wisdom
is absolutely amazing I am always learning
something new every time I read your blogs
😊😊

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    RSS Feed

    About Radiant Return

    I will be using this blog to share my thoughts on human nature, philosophy, and religion. 

    I hope you share your thoughts as well.

    Thanks,
    Paul
Proudly powered by Weebly