When I left Amma’s company, she had suggested to stop at the Sufi festival which was taking place near Barabanki on the way back home. She told me that that it would leave an everlasting impression on me. When I asked my father about stopping at a Sufi festival, he didn’t respond directly to me with a yes or no, but directed the driver to take us there.

Sufis are mystics rooted in Islamic spiritual traditions; they emphasize the religious experience over religious orthodoxy and legal interpretations. The word Sufi comes from the Arabic word Suf, meaning coarse wool garments, since this is what they traditionally wore.
​
By the time we left Bahram Ghat, the sun was already settling down in the west after the day’s hard work, and showing its happiness by entertaining us with various shades of red. Every now and then we saw cluster of gulmohar trees along the roadside in full bloom. The flamboyance exhibited by red-orange flowers beautifully challenged, yet complemented, the sun’s colors. By the time we reached the Sufi festival, the stars had already appeared in the dark, moonless sky - the North Star was leading a caravan of flickering lights from heavenly stars. In my teenage bewitched imagination, I was jumping from star to star in a hypnotic trance, when the sudden brakes and a voice saying that we have reached the festival broke the spell.

I couldn’t believe my eyes; people of all sizes and shapes, Hindus and Muslims alike, were joined in strange ritual of oneness. They were walking on burning coals as if they were walking on the bed of rose petals. Hatred and division were lost in eclectic dances of universal brotherhood. What I know, having seen it even at a young age, is that the demons of history are buried skin deep in India, a slight scratch of a rumor like Muslims killing cows or Hindus throwing dead pig in front of a mosque, and dance of death starts. Often, religious extremists from one faith discriminated against the other and refused to mix. So, this was an extremely different experience for me – I was mesmerized by the different expression of faith, beautiful beyond belief. The image of religious Hindus and Muslims walking on burning coals with spasmodic flames conjured images of dancing Shivas smeared with ash metamorphosing into even higher Gods.           

Amma showed me the beauty of humanity not by quoting scriptures, but by sending me to a place where I could see the breaking of the illusion of separation. She showed me that God is bigger than religion. Whenever I think of that festival, I recall the following couplet by Indian poet, Mirza Ghalib:
Ever since thy oneness I perceived
Rituals and creeds, I do not need
All things that divide from my faith
Ever since I saw thine oneness face
 
             In order to create a casteless and raceless society, the tenth Guru of Sikhs, Guru Gobind Singh Ji, pronounced, ”Manas Kee Jaat Eko Pehchanbo” meaning that all human beings belong to same caste and race. The scene I saw at the festival would have put a great smile on his face. Everybody over there was simply a member of human race without any affiliation to caste and creed.

As I think about my experience at the festival, questions about the significance and symbolism behind walking on fire emerges. In my opinion, it tells us that the attachment to suffering is like walking on fire, but in the state of non attachment and acceptance, just as walking on burning coals does not hurt, the pain instead of producing suffering flips into acceptance, and perhaps even joy. While failures, illness, and pain in life are inevitable, we have the power of how to react and experience them. This point is made in a beautiful Sufi parable. A famous Sufi mystic was carrying a portable wood oven and she came across a very curious man. He asked her where was she coming from. She said that she wanted to bake some bread and there was no fire at home, so she had gone to hell to get some fire. The man responded, “But, I do not see any fire.” The mystic said, “You are right. I was sent back by the gatekeeper since he told me that there is no fire in hell; everybody brings his/her own fire.”
 
The thought and the lesson that pain in life is inevitable but suffering is optional reminds me of a beautiful poem by Wu Men Hui Kai:
Ten thousand flowers in spring,
The moon in autumn,
A cool breeze in summer,
Snow in winter,
If your mind is not clouded by unnecessary things,
This is the best season of your life.

My connection with Amma is due to my attraction for rivers. I have always been fascinated by rivers, and this passion has continued and gotten deeper with age. My childhood is full of memories spending time on the shores of magical waters as I grew up in the city of Kanpur in Uttar Pradesh, India, which is located on the banks of the Holy Ganges river.
​
In July of 1966, when I was 15 years old, I tagged along with my father on a business trip. He was traveling to Bahram Ghat, a sleepy outpost with a population of no more than a thousand situated on the banks of the Ghaghra river, to purchase pine for his timber business. I accompanied him because I didn’t want to miss an opportunity to experience the river. While I knew I would enjoy the day trip, I didn’t realize that it would have such a lasting impact on me.

 At 2 o’clock in the morning, our driver, Anwar, my father, and I got in India’s all weather Ambassador car and started our 85 mile journey. While we were only 3 people, in true Punjabi tradition, we were carrying food as if we were going to feed the entire Sikh regiment. We reached Bahram Ghat around 8 am and went to the house of Munshi Ji (traditional term for someone who is in charge of business in small towns), who was going to take my dad around. I was directed to Munshi Ji’s wife and told to stay with her for a few hours until someone comes to take me to the river.

I turned to Munshi Ji’s wife and said “Namaste Aunty.” To my recollection she had an almond complexion, was no more than 5 foot tall, and was wearing a traditional cotton sari called dhoti. She immediately replied “No Aunty – Amma Amma” and explained that everyone, even the priest, calls her Amma (an informal tag for “mother”). I smiled and responded “Pranam (greetings) Amma.” She smiled and directed me to sit on the cot on the front porch and she went inside.

Sitting on the cot, my gaze fell upon a Tulsi plant (Holy Basil) on the front porch not far from where I was sitting.  After half an hour or so, she came out holding a thaali (large round plate, usually in brass or silver). The plate contained items used in Hindu prayers such as small earthen lamp, small bell, incense, etc. She stopped in front of tulsi and performed aarti - a form of worship with a lit lamp and burning incense. Afterwards, she closed her eyes and stood in front of the tulsi plant with folded hands in what appeared to be a state of trance.

 After finishing her prayer, she went inside and brought me out a millet roti with a healthy portion of gur (sugar cane juice cake) and piping hot tea in a brass glass. When she sat down next to me on the cot, I asked her what she says in her prayers. She said something to the effect of ‘’I feel that I can talk to the God in tulsi. I admire the tulsi. When tulsi is planted and worshipped, with its gunas (virtues) it brings peace, health, and purity to that house. I pray to have gunas that would enable me to feed everyone who knocks on my door. I pray to I have the strength to love and respect the washer-man, the priest, the shoemaker, and every big and small person. In the end I close my eyes and listen to tulsi with love; she speaks to my heart.” I asked her why she only prayed for these virtues, and not for any riches or material wealth. With a large smile she said “Once I get the boon of one guna, the rest may follow. As far as material riches, there are too many people ahead of me in line.” She then said that for such wealth, she would need to go to a bigger temple to pray for a more powerful God, and she was very happy with her little God in tulsi. Now when I think about this conversation, it is heart-warming to remember that a village woman of limited means was not asking anything for herself except gift of virtues which she could use to serve people. It was a prayer of pure service, and for no personal gain. Since childhood, I have often seen and heard prayers from people of different faiths seeking blessings in the form of wealth or success in business, even if they do not need more material riches. Some people view religion as a market place where the highest bidder in the form of gifts to Gods expects better returns on his investments.  Amma’s actions, on the other hand, were simple and unassuming.

Amma and I sat for a bit longer chatting and eating. Her dark bottomless eyes were at times appeared fearsome and at times full of karuna (loving compassion). Her laugh was like a commentary on human spiritual folly.  I remember a local priest passing by and calling her cynical non-believer who was going to hell. I found out later that a good number of people due to her sharp tongue and unorthodox outspoken nature, used to dismiss her as crazy. I could not believe the depth of her “crazy” wisdom when she laughed and retorted that the priest has gotten too much incense smoke in his head therefore he does not know that this is heaven - it is just a lot hotter and has mosquitos.

At around 10:30 am, two and a half hours after my arrival, the driver came to pick me up. Before I left, I touched Amma’s feet, and on my way up she grabbed my hands and held them tightly. She looked into my eyes and said “Beta, Apni Kahani Khud Likhna” (Son, write your own story).  In the past, I have not paid much attention to her parting remark, but now as I reflect on my encounter with Amma, I have thought deeper about this. My life has been a combination of hard work, good fortune and friends, and unexpected turns, the biggest catastrophe of which has been my lung cancer diagnosis. Unfortunately, we are not total masters of our destiny or writers of our stories. Unwanted and unsought events come as twist in life’s story. A good writer has no choice but to deal with the twist and give it a new face. The writer has to work a new vision out of the darkness of pain and suffering brought by an unwanted event. This vision does not come without acceptance of the current reality, changing the perspective of the seer. It allows an individual to understand that he/she does not have to be his/her own oppressor by getting attached to the suffering. Acceptance opens the path of peaceful journey filled with abundant grace. My interpretation of what Amma said is exactly that. Forge your path forward, accept the unexpected, and don’t give up. Whatever comes your way, adjust and act on the new script (path) joyfully.
 
The driver dropped me at the banks of river Ghaghra. The river was gushing with water freshly received from monsoons, which it was boasting by splashing it way beyond its banks. The high waves appeared to be trying to reach the scorching sun to cool it down a bit, but each attempt was being foiled by the possessive Earth. My chance encounter with Amma had already put me on another level, as if I was on a shimmering golden cloud. Seeing the dark, raging Ghaghra and touching its waters allowed me to experience a soothing thunder in that same cloud.

Due to my chance encounter with Amma, the Ghaghra I saw is alive and well in my memory. I remember her voice laden with rustic sweetness as if each and every word was first immersed in the waters provided by Gods before letting them part from her lips. She has left me with a story which has more wisdom than the pages. I hope to pass some of that wisdom through my story. It is said that sometimes a story has more wisdom than its author. I certainly hope that my story turns out to be one like that. While thinking about it, an old Indian song comes to my lips:

Apni Kahani Chor Ja, Kuch To Nishanee Chor Jaa
Kaun Kahe Is Or, Tu Phir Aye Na Aye, Mausam Beeta Jaye
 
(O passerby, leave some good story of your behind, leave some good sign that you were here,
You as well as no one knows whether you will pass these valleys again, the season is passing)
 

I used to walk or bike very frequently on the path along the Schuylkill River on Kelly Drive in Philadelphia. Usually, I did this activity in the early mornings. After a long hiatus, I recently decided to go for one of these long walks on the early morning of Thursday, May 26.
​It was a beautiful morning. The night was collecting the last of its arsenal of irregular grey patches scattered over the sky, and the morning sun’s rays were shining as if the sun’s gentle fingers had started playing santoor (a South Asian string instrument). The musical notes were rays of mingling orange, red and yellow colors, slowly being awakened by the gentle wind, giving it the ambience of an Indian bride wrapped in an ornamented red and orange scarf (chunni). The building and structures were coming out of the dark, rediscovering what had changed over the night.

            The orchestra’s maestro, the sun, gave a cue to the birds, who performed scales of their liking. I thought about the trees: magnificent pillars who provide the oxygen of life for this beautiful planet while simultaneously exchanging nutrition with a range of different species. The inspirational morning gave way for me to consider the interconnectedness of nature and how all beings – birds, trees, rivers - by their innate actions are connecting with the sublime. We not alone but rather part of nature, serving as connections and custodians. In the words of poet David Whyte:
 
Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden trasngressions…
Put down your aloneness and ease into
the conversation…
All the birds and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.
 
Being able to truly listen is an integral piece of connecting with everything around us and taking advantage of everything that is waiting for us. Guru Nanak Dev Ji shares the benefits of deep listening when he says “Gaviye Suniye Mun Rakhiye Bhau; Dukh Parhar Sukh Ghar Lai Jaye” (Japji Sahib, Pauri 5). Here, Guru Ji is telling us that by singing and listening from the heart, we bring joy and bliss into our lives.
 
The ability to truly listen is not an easy task. It requires a transcendent state of mind and the ability to move pass the clutter of mind that takes up our energy, often caused by chasing money, keeping up with what is “hip,” etc. At my age, and with the cancer walking lockstep with each breath, the process of uncluttering the mind is certainly a bit more complex. In Sikhism, it is said that one’s life is not fully tested until he has overcome a tough challenge. In my case, this is not only fighting illness but also uncluttering my mind. My approach to doing this is focused on reading, writing, enjoying the interconnectedness of nature and appreciating the beautiful present time. With this, even if my years may be short, I am able to stretch the essence of each day. 

Kirat Karo, Naam Japo, Vand Chako
- Sikh Creed
 
These principles were established by the first guru of the Sikhs, Guru Nanak Dev Ji, over 500 years ago. In simple language, kirat karo means work hard and naam japo means reflect deeply. Vand chako tells us to be altruistic and charitable. There is no act nobler than giving a helping hand to weary traveler who lacks confidence in overcoming obstacles of life.
 
While the principles of hard work, reflection, and charity exist in every religion, Guru Nanak Dev Ji was the first (to my knowledge) to make these a creed, creating a foundation for Sikh practice. I consider it a profound “secular theology,” as practicing these simple principles can be outside of religious boundaries. The first guru knew that human beings can get lost in a maze of tumultuous thoughts that can take them from one dark tunnel to the next. From his insightful wisdom, he shared that the solution to such a complex problem would lie in the practice of this simple creed which subsequently would lead to equanimity.
 
As mentioned above, the necessity and virtues of hard work are emphasized in every religion. The commands exhort the faithful to live by virtuous hard work. For example, the Bible says: “For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule; If a man will not work, he shall not eat” (The Salonians 3:10). The most revered text of the Hindus, the Bhagavad Gita, says: “Who so performath diligent content, the work allotted to him, whatever it be, lays hold of all perfectness” (13:45). The hard work mentioned in these passages points to reflective, ethical, and honest hard work. These traditions point to the fact that in order to live a meaningful life and to achieve a state of equipoise, hard work is necessary, but not sufficient by itself. Hard work without spiritual reflection causes one’s internal mirror to get covered with dusty layers of greed and grasping.  
 
The discriminating mind is a dancer and a magician with the objective world as his stage. The intuitive mind is a wise jester who travels with the magician and reflects upon his emptiness and transiency.
- Excerpt from Buddhist text (Lankavtra Sutra)
 
In its first stage, spiritual reflection aims to make the connection between the left and right brains seamless and unhindered by external noise. The left brain serves as the “rational brain,” while the right brain helps bring light to life’s nuances and puts successes and failures in perspective; as a result, new understanding of the fruits of hard work emerges. The first stage of reflection helps two images of the person, one in the front of the mirror, and one behind the mirror, merge as one seamless portrait with greater self-understanding. It was with this observation that Soren Kierkegaard said, “Life can only be understood backwards, but has to be lived forwards.”
 
Inspired by Kierkegaard’s reflection on reflection, the famous French director Francois Truffaut said, “I have always preferred the reflection of life to life itself.” Armed with this philosophy, he worked hard to give meaningful hits, such as The 400 Blows, Shoot the Piano Player, The Wild Child, etc.
 
Reflection is a journey of self-exploration. Once the right and left brains are unified, and consciousness is elevated, one realizes that the heart was always an active participant in the process. This is a beginning of the second stage of reflection. It is a physiological fact that the brain beats at the same rate as the heart. There are far more neural connections that go from the heart to the brain than the other way around, allowing the heart to send more signals to the brain than vice versa. There are quite a few stories in the medical field where the patient who received a heart transplant picks up tastes and preferences of the donor thus unconsciously overcoming mind’s predispositions.
 
The second stage of reflection helps one to understand and appreciate the communication connections between heart and mind. Paying attention to these communications allows us to re-reflect on stories, adversities, and hardships we faced and lived. We discover that the sum total of the intelligence of the brain and heart combined is greater than its parts.
 
In Indian music, there is a concept called “jugalbandi.” Here, two musicians, one drummer and generally one sitarist or flutist, play separately then together. The playful rendition is repeated with minor variations over and over.  For music lovers, the experience is levitating. When the brain and the heart work together, it is like jugalbandi, where they lead, follow, and create an exciting yet peaceful internal rhythm. It is as if they are in an eternal embrace doing synchronized waltz with each round lifting the person to a higher state of consciousness.
 
The third and last stage of reflection is transcendence. The wisdom gained through reflective hard work and understanding of the union of mind and heart unites our outer and inner world. This union propels us into a higher orbit of transcendence. Our total intelligence gets centered in self, as opposed to self-centered. In this reflective state, we recognize that happiness, joy and love are based on reciprocity with living beings. Human beings are social animals and our survival depends on connections and networking. By being altruistic and charitable (practicing vand chakna, as Guru Nanak Dev Ji described) not only do we strengthen our survival, but we increase joy and peace in our own lives as well as the lives we touch. Altruism shows us how to be one with the universe. Lord Jesus said it beautifully, ”give and you are given.”
 
Through hard work, reflection, and acts of altruism, one realizes his/her true nature and interconnectedness with the world. One realizes that practicing these virtues is a journey and one has to be on constant guard against ego-based intruders.
 
In the beginning of my life,
With the first days of rising sun,
I asked, “Who am I?,”
Now at the end of my life,
With the last rays of the setting sun,
I ask, “Who am I?”
 
Indian Nobel Laurate poet, Rabindernath Tagore, wrote these lines 13 days before his death. By working towards a life enshrined in the principals kirat, naam, and vand, one knows its identity and is no longer focused on self-centered deeds but on acts that enhance the beauty of this interconnected world. The word incarnation means fully inhabiting your body and spirit. By living in a world totally engulfed in the fire of material pursuit, we live a good distance from our body and spirit.  The pursuit of kirat, naam, and vand provides us an opportunity to rediscover, or reincarnate ourselves, within this lifetime. The sleeping higher purpose of life gets reignited by the flames of the pursuit embedded in this creed. The human traveler fully consumed by the beauty of such a creed brings the cosmic energy as protective force into his/her journey. The tranquil yet gale force of this energy carries the traveler to a deeper love for earth and its inhabitants, making heavens uncomfortable. In the words of Hafiz, 13th century Persian Sufi Poet, “There are moments in moist love when heaven is jealous of what we on earth can do.” The path of the moist love is revealed through the practice of hard work, deep reflection and humble charity. 

It (gratitude) is not only greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.
- Cicero

According to a story in Puranas (Hindu Mythical Literature), Narada, a great devotee of Lord Vishnu (a Hindu deity) boasted that there was no bigger devotee of the Lord than him. According to the parables, Narada was known to be very mischievous, egotistical, and jealous.

Lord Vishnu smiled and referred to a specific farmer as his most dedicated devotee. Narada was upset, and decided to go and see the farmer and what special thing the farmer was doing that made him Lord Vishnu’s favorite. Narada observed that farmer remembered the God just twice a day, repeating his name in morning before leaving for the fields and again in the evening. Narada was perplexed, and came back to ask Vishnu why the farmer was better, considering he chants Vishnu’s name all day, more than the farmer does. The Lord said, “Before I answer your question, please take this bowl of oil and go around the Earth, but make sure that not a single drop is spilled.” 

Narada, after completing his journey, went back to get his question answered. The Lord asked him how many times during his journey did he remember the Lord. Narada said that he was too busy tending the oil and did not think of the Lord. Lord Vishnu smiled and said, “The poor farmer does not forget me even while he deals with his life’s good and bad circumstances, and continues to thanks me twice a day; therefore, he is my biggest devotee.”

The farmer’s authentic, thankful prayer of gratitude opened the door for Lord Vishnu’s grace to shine in his heart and guide him to live in true spirit. Narada, on the other hand, was too attached to the thoughts of heaven and fear of hell, and thanked the Lord with the hope of redemption. Clinging to thoughts of hell or heaven bring suffering and no redemption. Persons like Narada get too attached to one image and one belief system without realizing that whole universe is the higher spirit’s true personality. On the other hand, people like the farmer live both in the world of spirit and flesh with no clinging to any thought salvation. Gratitude leads the way for grace to enter into the lives of people like the farmer.

Unfortunately, most of us live a life without spiritual gratitude. We do not consistently take time to acknowledge and thank for the gifts of heaven. Henry David Thoreau lamented on this attitude by saying, “The gifts of heaven are never quite gratuitous.”
A few centuries before Thoreau, the fifth guru of the Sikhs, Guru Arjan Dev Ji, beautifully expressed human beings’ lack of gratitude in the following hymn:

Daat piyaree visreya daatara
Jaane naheen maran vichara
Vasat parayee ko uth rowey
Karam dharam agla hee khovey
 Sri Guru Granth Sahib, Page 676

(The human loves the divine gifts, but forgets the giver
He does not think that his sojourn in this world is short
He constantly laments the gift of fortune to others
In the process he loses (the chance) for good deeds)

In the above hymn, the Guru stresses that life without gratitude leads one to jealousy and grasping. The person gets attached to the illusion that other people are more fortunate than him. This, in my opinion, starts the process of a mindless game of addictive competition and an exercise to somehow control the events of the future by attempting to relentlessly prepare for it and stay ahead of others. The person forgets that the future is veiled and it reveals itself only when future turns into present and the results in most cases are different than anticipated. This facile optimism of controlling the future comes from attachment to material wealth with no room for growth of spirit through prayers   of gratitude.  This attitude prevents the higher power’s rays of grace to penetrate the dark layers of ignorance covering our souls and shine a new light into our lives.

A person is not a thing or process, but an opening through which the absolute can manifest
- Heidegger

That opening is grace which has many faces. Some of the faces of grace are benevolence, joy and mercy, but often it comes as a challenge, such as a terminal illness, and tests our strength and fortitude. The acceptance of these wounds caused by these challenges with gratitude leads one to be enchanted by grace. Rumi has expressed this thought beautifully:

Keep your gaze at the wounded place
That is where the light enters

The gaze mentioned by Rumi is nothing but finding joy in the present moment, which is another name for gratitude. In my view, without loving acceptance of the present condition, we cannot find the dazzle behind the darkness engulfing us. This darkness can lead us towards grace and make us true heirs of higher spirit’s light. The sentiment has been expressed in the Gospel of Thomas as one of the sayings of Jesus Christ: The seeker shall not stop until he finds. When he does find, he will be disturbed. After being disturbed, he will be astonished. Then he will reign over everything.

The reign is a condition of grateful joy.   In my current state, I am trying to be grateful for each day. This attitude did not come easily.  The first year after my lung cancer diagnosis was very distressing. All my prayers were appearing to be nothing more than useless endeavor. The stress was unpalatable and it appeared that I was thrown into the dark dungeons of despair, pain, and suffering. 

Slowly through that darkness, a light began to emerge. This, in my opinion, was a result of my prayers asking the higher spirit to guide me towards acceptance and true gratitude. I understood again that pleasure and pain are like yin and yang; they always come together, only the space they occupy changes. My old hopes and ambitions had died, but the prayers of thankfulness and focused introspection gave birth to new hopes. I realized that a thankful life allows you to realize your deeper self and open your heart. 
As mentioned above, acceptance of the present condition and true gratitude for the higher spirit opens us open to grace. This acceptance and thankfulness can put us on the path of understanding our true nature as well as the true nature of our maker. I hope that we all take the time, even if it’s only 5 minutes, to thank the all-pervading spirit every day, thus opening our hearts for grace. I hope that the following poem on gratitude and grace by Rilke provides further impetus to all to practice gratitude:

With every step I do I go towards you,
Because who am I and who are you,
If we do not understand each other.

Dear friends,
 
During my readings these holidays, I came across a beautiful and reflective passage in Herman Hess’s Siddhartha. In light of the upcoming new year, I wanted to share it with all of you along with some of my thoughts.
Our deep, real self is often buried under layers of opinions that become our new realities. Behind the weight of these pre-conceived notions, the God inside us appears broken and scattered in the labyrinth of lies which our mind tells us about us and others.
The act of deep listening cuts across the fog of illusion and myth created by our mind. It stops us from arguing with the present and past, the root cause of many sufferings. Deep listening allows us to look into the mystery we have been to ourselves, thus paving the way to find out true self. By deep listening, we could connect with the whole universe, reflecting all its glory in us and vice versa. The deep listener sees that the kingdom of heaven is here on earth and sees everyone in the same tranquil light of spirit.
After reading the passage below, I hope that we all make deep listening part of our 2016 resolutions.
 
Thank you for being a part of my Radiant Return journey this year; I’m looking forward to sharing and learning more with one another next year.
 
Best wishes for a happy and healthy new year,
Paul
 
***
 
Siddhartha listened. He was now listening intently, completely absorbed, quite empty, taking in everything. He felt that he had now completely learned the art of listening. He had often heard all this before, all these numerous voices in the river, but today they sounded different. He could no longer distinguish the different voices – the merry voice from the weeping voice, the childish voice from the manly voice. They all belonged to each other: the lament of those who yearn, the laughter of the wise, the cry of indignation and the groan of the dying. They were all interwoven and interlocked, entwined in a thousand ways. And all the voices, all the goals, all the pleasures, all the good and evil, all of them together was the world. All of them together was the stream of events, the music of life. When Siddhartha listened attentively to this river, to the song of a thousand voices, when he did not listen to the sorrow or the laughter, when he did not bind his soul to any one particular voice and absorb it in his Self, but head them all, the whole, the unity, then the great song of a thousand voices consisted of one word.
 
Herman Hesse, Siddhartha

Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you and not from you, and though they are with you, they do not belong to you. You may give them love but not your thoughts for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
- Khalil Gibran
 
Children are born with an innate beauty that contains virtues such as fearlessness, optimism, universal love, and gratitude; above all, they have the self-love essential for identity development and emotional resilience. This innate beauty is like a “flood light,” and our job, as parents, is to be custodians of our children so that the gift of this flood light guides their actions throughout their lives.
 
When raised in a spiritual and learning environment, children are poised to better appreciate that joy, pain and suffering are all part of the ying and yang of life. Spiritual lessons can give them the tools to be able to look at obstacles, setbacks and failures as opportunities for growth and character development. Through spiritual upbringing, we increase the chances that our children will approach every challenge with a sense of optimism, making their spirit rise to the occasion.

The attitude and approach one develops through spiritual growth is similar to that of a Holy Warrior described by tenth guru of the Sikhs, Guru Gobind Singh Jee. The Guru wrote:
Sava Lakh Se Ek Laraun, Tabey Gobind Singh Naam Kahahaun
(In order to earn the name Guru Gobind Singh, I shall make each one of my fellow beings overcome hundreds of thousands of obstacles)
 
In this passage, Guru Gobind Singh Jee conveys the message that human beings who are guided by the magic of the flood light have no fear. They see setbacks, disappointments and pain as opportunities for growth both in matter and spirit, and thus they become full participants in writing their biography. Federico Fellini beautifully expressed this idea by saying that “The pearl is the oyster’s biography.”
 
Science has proven that spiritual upbringing contributes to children’s confidence and comfort in their own skin. Unfortunately, in today’s world, a child’s spiritual development has taken a backseat and in most cases it has no seat. In her outstanding research based book “The Spiritual Child”, Pulitzer prize winner Lisa Miller, PhD, Professor at Columbia University, has documented benefits of providing spiritual environment for children.
 
According to her research, the process of raising a spiritual child is an organic process and it takes as long as 20 years (Indian sages used 25 years as milestone). Some of the benefits she summarizes include emotional resilience, strong character, optimistic attitude, less fear of failure, and above all, a sense of gratitude and feeling of empathy. She also shares that the spiritual child has less behavioral problems and episodes of mood disturbances. Conversely, a lack of spiritual training during a child’s development can lead to behavioral or emotional issues, which at an extreme, can include drug abuse, suicide, or mass shooting.
 
In the current environment, rising mental health problems have led to anxiety disorders, depression, loneliness, and lack of empathy, which in turn is connected with a higher rate of suicides. In considering the current state of affairs, I see some glaring factors that have contributed to current state of malaise, where violence is plaguing our society:

1. Our society is highly competition-centric. Even with children, we pack their lives with extra activities, studying, and other engagements so that they stay busy and are able to stand out from the crowd. As a result, many children are not living, but missing out on their childhoods. In lot of cases, children’s spirits are getting bleached making them devoid of sense of wonder, and imagination.
2. The pace at which technology is progressing and being incorporated in our lives is dizzying. Due to this changed environment, our children’s brains  are wired differently than ours, therefore understanding them has become cumbersome. Conversation has gone subterranean and now limited to texts, tweets and instant chats. We and the children are “hyper-connected” and yet not “connected”.
   
3. The antihero has become the hero. The hero image cultivated by our forefathers was a virtuous person and worked for the general good of society. The antihero is the character who is self-centered and can resort to violent or abusive ways to achieve his/her goals. An antihero is deceitful and conniving.  Hit series like Breaking Bad, House of Cards, and Madmen are prime examples where the antihero is the prime character achieving "success." Instead of reaching goals by virtuous and selfless work, our society sees examples of characters climbing the ranks through deceit and corruption. 

As a result of these factors and others, there is an increasing dearth of empathy in our society, especially in our children. Bullying and fighting have become a competitive sport. Narcissism has reached such a level that people take selfies at funerals rather than respecting the departed soul and the family.
 
It is probably scenarios like these that made Woody Allen write “More than any time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness and other to total extinction. Let us hope and pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.”
 
This two dimensional view presents a very bleak picture. Fortunately, the moment we superimpose the spiritual dimension on this two dimensional scenario, a multidimensional world becomes available to us.  The gates of grace, gratitude, unbound optimism, and self-love open up. The feeling of this unbound optimism is aptly described by a Persian poet in the following couplet:
 
Tafawat Ast Shandon-I- Man-O- To
Tu Bastian-I-Dar,O, Man Fatahe Bab Me Shanwan
(What you and I hear are different, you hear the sound of closing doors, but I of doors that open)
 
This all would amount to empty rhetoric if I did not see the results of taking refuge and inspiration from my spiritual upbringing, especially during the dark days following my diagnosis of lung cancer. I was having a tremendous problem understanding and internalizing the various diagnoses, treatment options, etc. Sometimes, I felt that I had run out of blessings and only abominations were left. Within a few months of being immersed in a pigeon hole of self-pity, the spiritual life of my mother and her influence on me, which was buried under the dust of time, started to reemerge. Life lessons she had taught me through example and that I inherited through osmosis were resurfacing in the hour of need. My mother was a pillar of strength, and regardless of circumstances, I never saw her depressed. Her countenance and actions were always burning with optimism. The life of the Sikh’s tenth guru was a guiding light for her.
 
By diving into the sea of my memory bank, I am gathering precious stones on a path of spirituality. The contemplation on the precious stones of spiritual gems is leading on a path to equanimity.
 
The strength and resilience offered to me by being brought up in a spiritual environment has helped me worked through uncertainty and pain in my life. As a natural parental decision and in hopes of passing down our spiritual traditions, my wife and I shared the teachings from our holy book, including the examples of the lives of our gurus, with our children when they were growing up. We have always encouraged them to internalize these values.
 
In life’s uncertainty, we sometimes do not know whether we are climbing a foggy mountain in the name of progress or heading towards a cliff.  If spirituality is given the driver’s seat, it has the capacity of enabling us to turn on the flood light again. Under that light, we will be able to chart the right course for ourselves and guide the future generation. In this spiritually nurturing environment, children are able to retain the guiding light from the higher spirit’s initial gift and it remains a guiding force for them.
 
Here, I would like to share a hymn of blessings penned by the fifth guru of Sikhs, Guru Arjan Dev Jee. This hymn is often sung on special occasions in the lives of Sikh children, especially birthdays. In the hymn, he tells parents that in order to bring up spiritual children, they should also be on the same path. After all, one cannot give anything without having it. The blessings are from a mother to her child:
 
Amrit Peevo Sada Chir Jeevo, Har Simrat Anand Anantha…
Rang Tamasa Puran Asa, Kabeh na Biyape Chinta
(Drink forever the ambrosial nectar of true word…
May joy and pleasure be yours,
May your hopes be fulfilled, and
May you never be troubled by worries.)
 
I encourage everyone to find pearls of wisdom such as this from their tradition, readings, inspirational lives of historical figures etc. When people incorporate these enlightening lessons and values in their lives, it not only allows them to follow their path illuminated by the flood light and find strength, but also sets examples for the next generation. By setting examples and having meaningful spiritual discourses with children, parents can have the unique opportunity to see their kid’s innate intelligence and resulting joy shine.
 
Why wait more? Start a conversation with you and your children now, and see the magic of annihilating joy unfolding slowly in your and your children’s lives.

Gulhaye Rang Rang Se Hai, Zeenat E Chaman;
Ay Zauq is Jahan Me Hai, Zaib Ikhtelaf Se
-Zauq, Urdu Poet

(Flowers of different hues do the garden deck and adorn. On the riot of colors alone, O Zauq, rests the garden’s good and beauty.)

Zauq describes a garden’s beauty as dependent on its range of colorful flowers; similarly, the beauty of humans rests on our souls radiating with colors of truthful living.  Pascal said, “You should always keep something beautiful in your mind.” In my opinion, what he means by beauty is a vision that combines abundant grace, feelings of compassion, contentment and gratitude. These visions can be inspired by meditating on the wonders of beautiful landscapes, gardens, and mystery which surrounds us all. A lot of care and attention must be given to achieve a beautiful and well-kept garden. In inner gardening, one cultivates inner self by intentionally integrating humility, compassion, contentment, and gratitude in life. Practicing these virtues opens the door of one’s heart for grace to enter, thus enabling the practitioner to embark on the voyage towards the destination beauty.

The first Guru of the Sikhs, Guru Nanak Dev Ji, gives us the prescription to achieve this goal:
Nam Beej Santokh Suhaga, Rakh Garibi Ves
Rakh Bhau Karam Kar Jamsi,
Se Ghar Bhagath.
- Sri Guru Granth Sahib, Pg 595

(Sow the seed of Lord’s virtues in your heart,
Plough it with contentment/patience and humility.
Doing deeds of love, the seeds shall sprout and you should see your home flourish.)

Further on in the holy book, in allegorical form, Guru Nanak Dev Ji urges us to polish our true nature and rediscover our beauty by living a virtuous life.
Sach Varat, Santokh Tirath, Gyan Dhyan Isnan;
Daya Devta, Khiman Japmali, Se Manukh Pardhan
- Sri Guru Grant Sahib, Pg 1245

(Those who have a truthful living as their vow, contentment as pilgrimage, take bath in waters of spiritual wisdom, kindness as their deity, and forgiveness as their contemplation rosary are supreme beautiful souls.)

By practicing these virtues, one continues to cultivate his/her inner self and discover their inner beauty. 

I realize that being good all the time is not easy. It is sometimes very difficult to resist the overwhelming and powerful negative thoughts that can enter the mind. However, if we allow ourselves to be infected by malaise of ego, aversion, hate, and anger, life’s sufferings will grow exponentially. People in these situations generally create negative energy around them and perpetually burn in the fire created by their own emotions. On the other hand, those practicing the virtues of gratitude, forgiveness, contentment are at peace and spread positive energy. Their thoughts, speech, and deeds are in perfect harmony.

By cultivating the inner garden, we rediscover our inherent beauty. We are all born with a beauty that radiates with the colors of compassion, contentment, love, and forgiveness. In Indian philosophy this beauty is called “Sahaj”, implying that we are born with this beauty. Unfortunately, over time this beauty gets covered with the weeds and bugs of ego, anger, hate, greed, etc., and we are unable to practice the mindfulness necessary to see our inner beauty.

In outer gardening, it is necessary to watch and remove weeds and invasive bugs. Similarly for inner gardening, one has to vigilant against creeping ego, hate, and anger – all of which are waiting to find an opportunity and invade. These latent feelings come back with vengeance. While initially the invasions of these feelings may not seem like a problem, but like weeds, they eventually take over. This reminds me of a very old Indian song:
Teri Gathri Mein Laga Chor Musafir Jaag Jara
Aaj Jara Sa Bitna Hai Ye Tu Kehta Hai Itna Sa Hair
Do Din Mein Yen Barh Kar Hoga Muhnfat Aur Muhnjor

(O, spiritual traveler, please wake up, a thief has entered into your thoughts. It is small today, but do not ignore. In no time it will inflict you with the disease of self- righteousness and uncompromising ego.)

Inner gardening is a journey – a journey to find the beauty of inner self and polish it by practice. The root for beauty in Latin is “calling.” A Yup’ik Eskimo song describes this call beautifully:

He sings to me
And calls my name from somewhere up there.
Over there, from somewhere here,
From the depths of our minds.
 
The call to rediscover our inner beauty is heard by inviting the grace that is all around us into our hearts which is all around us. Reading this blog, for example, is inviting that invisible grace and heeding the call for self -exploration. There are numerous ways to open your heart for grace such as prayer, reading inspirational stories, holy books, company of enlightened persons, etc. Regardless of where one is in his/her journey, the inspiration to work on the inner garden will always be there, even if it is just a flickering flame. To move resolutely towards the path of self- exploration, we must heed the call of beauty and provide continuous fuel to the flame through virtuous practices, thus giving our inner garden the opportunity to grow.

I often spend my evenings in the backyard watching the sunset. The experience of watching the setting sun is mystical to me. I try to practice mindfulness and contemplate on the virtues which will provide fertilizer to my inner garden, but I face the same struggles as many others do, and my mind goes towards negative thoughts like regret, self-pity, and resentment. Reinhold Niebuhr said that “Man is his own vexing problem.” I am no exception. I am constantly trying and learning, so that eventually I will get less and less attached to negative emotions when they come. 

Inner gardening and our path towards self-cultivation is a journey full of mystery. The higher spirit, in ways we cannot fathom, puts challenges in our path such as suffering, relationships breakups, circumstances, etc. Through introspection, we realize that we are not the true writers of our biography. We are part of a story where our deliberate actions are weaved with chance, accidents, and sometimes just good or bad luck. If we understand and accept this thought, we can overcome anxiety and fear and rather than analyzing the experience, we learn to live it. Ultimately, nurturing our inner garden requires mindfulness, virtuous living, and deep introspection.

A few days ago while watching the setting sun, I was in deep thoughts on the mystery behind my sickness and sufferings. Somehow, automatically, I started humming Anand Sahib, a hymn of bliss. The hymn moved my wandering thoughts to wonders of creation, which we are part. The Sun was setting fast and moon was eager to show its reflective radiance from the East. It felt that the power of the hymn, setting sun, rising moon, and encroaching darkness were making beautiful music to serenade my inner garden.

All good people agree,
And all good people say,
All nice people, like us, are we,
And everyone else is they:
But if you cross over the sea,
Instead of over the way,
You may end up by ( thinking of it!) looking on we
As only a sort of they!
-          Rudyard Kipling

The above poem shares the message of tolerance and universal love that is also exemplified throughout Sikh scriptures as an integral part of one’s spiritual journey. As such, I was reminded of the following shabad by our fifth Guru, Guru Arjan Dev Jee.

Bisar gayee sab taat parayee,
Jab tey sadh sangat mohe payee.
Na ko bairee naahin begana
Sagal sang humko ban aayee.
-          Sri Guru Granth Sahib, page 1229

(I have totally forgotten my jealousy of others, since I found the company of spiritual beings.
No one is my enemy and no one is a stranger, I get along with everyone.)

I’d encourage us all to think about how we can engage in selfless and positive interactions, like many from all different backgrounds do, rising above narrow considerations of race, color, or creed. The Sikh prayer Ardas is ended by seeking welfare of every sentient being, saying “Nanak Naam Chardi Kala, Tere Bhane Sarbat da Bhala.” Blessings for everyone.