Do you know what you are?
You are a manuscript of divine letter
you are a mirror reflecting a noble face
The universe is not outside of you
Look inside yourself
Everything that you want
You are already that
- Rumi, A Sufi Mystic
***
In the summer of 2014, in response to pain and swelling in my leg, I got a CT scan. This scan showed a blood clot, and after additional tests, multiple clots, as well as a suspicious growth, were found in my lungs. Within a few weeks, the doctors confirmed, to my unimaginable horror, that the suspicious growth was a malignant tumor. I was diagnosed with lung cancer.
I have always lived a very healthy life. I am careful about what I eat, I exercise regularly, and I have never smoked a day in my life. In a recent study by John Hopkins University, I read that more than 65% of cancers are simply the result of ‘bad luck.’ I suppose I fall into this category.
Initially, the diagnosis shattered my world completely. The only thing I visualized was my own death; I kept seeing my dead body with my distraught family around. I frequently imagined myself in pain, on the hospital bed, tied up with tubes and instruments.
To help me sleep through my anxieties, my doctors prescribed me sleep aids, but they only made things worse, making me groggy throughout the day.
I realized that external means were not going to improve my psychological state. In the movie Shawshank Redemption, there is a dialogue, “Get busy living, or get busy dying.” I had to take the former course and for that, introspection and coming to terms with my suffering was important. The main component of self-healing is accepting and moving past fear (as I shared in my previous posts), and this is only possible by cultivation of self-compassion. To accomplish this goal, I chose to lean on my spiritual tradition. To come to terms with the suffering and use it as a navigation tool, the first thing Indian tradition tells us that self-love (very different from narcissism or selfishness) is important for self-healing.
In the morning prayer of the Sikhs, the composer, Guru Nanak Dev Ji, says that righteous action is the offspring of compassion, which in turn stands on a solid ground of contentment.
Dhaul Dharam Daya ka Poot
Sri Guru Granth Sahib, Page 3 (Japji Sahib, Pauri 16)
In my opinion, expanding the concept to a personal level, it means that a life which aspires to an ideal union of the spiritual and the material cannot be realized without compassion. Such compassion cannot arise if one is tormented with his or her own suffering. In other words, suffering is discontent.
In one of his other compositions, Guru Nanak Dev Ji says that my psychological suffering has become a medicine (a source of understanding and self-compassion), while worldly comforts and attachments have become the cause of unease.
Dukh Daru Sukh Rog Bhaya
Sri Guru Granth Sahib, Page 46
This sentiment expressed here has become my anchor of faith, helping me see light through my brokenness. Faith is made of two parts, the one is comfort and the other is courage. Comfort gives one hope and the courage gives one to accept the suffering and vulnerability through the process of self-compassion.
There is a fairy tale in which a beautiful maiden’s marriage was fixed by her mother to a vicious serpent. The girl was very scared and sought advice from a trusted old wise woman (somehow fairy tales never have old wise men) on how to deal with her husband on their wedding night. She was advised that she should put on ten dresses and upon asking for removal of her clothes by her serpent husband, she should put a condition that for every dress removed by her the serpent will shed one of his skins. The process went on and at the end the girl stood without any clothes and the serpent in a tormented raw state without any skins. Both of them stood very vulnerable and fearful. As per additional advice from the old woman, the young lady hugged and kissed the serpent and the serpent transformed himself into a beautiful prince. The moral of the story is that once we deal with our fears and vulnerabilities with compassion, the experience can be becomes positively transformative.
While it is important to be compassionate to others, we have to first look inward and accept and be compassionate toward ourselves. By not accepting the realities, one does not develop the courage to face it, and as a result, one becomes distraught and discontent. Self-compassion allow us to see ourselves and our circumstances clearly and honor our limitations.
For me, being compassionate towards myself and my circumstances has been difficult. My faith has been my support, and I continuously work to accept that both good and bad in life come from same spiritual source. When one is truly self-compassionate, suffering does not cause discontent, but rather is a state of being where it has a new meaning. In this state of heart which is filled with compassion, the divine, ageless wisdom is reflected and so are the answers to our sufferings which exist within all of us.
You are a manuscript of divine letter
you are a mirror reflecting a noble face
The universe is not outside of you
Look inside yourself
Everything that you want
You are already that
- Rumi, A Sufi Mystic
***
In the summer of 2014, in response to pain and swelling in my leg, I got a CT scan. This scan showed a blood clot, and after additional tests, multiple clots, as well as a suspicious growth, were found in my lungs. Within a few weeks, the doctors confirmed, to my unimaginable horror, that the suspicious growth was a malignant tumor. I was diagnosed with lung cancer.
I have always lived a very healthy life. I am careful about what I eat, I exercise regularly, and I have never smoked a day in my life. In a recent study by John Hopkins University, I read that more than 65% of cancers are simply the result of ‘bad luck.’ I suppose I fall into this category.
Initially, the diagnosis shattered my world completely. The only thing I visualized was my own death; I kept seeing my dead body with my distraught family around. I frequently imagined myself in pain, on the hospital bed, tied up with tubes and instruments.
To help me sleep through my anxieties, my doctors prescribed me sleep aids, but they only made things worse, making me groggy throughout the day.
I realized that external means were not going to improve my psychological state. In the movie Shawshank Redemption, there is a dialogue, “Get busy living, or get busy dying.” I had to take the former course and for that, introspection and coming to terms with my suffering was important. The main component of self-healing is accepting and moving past fear (as I shared in my previous posts), and this is only possible by cultivation of self-compassion. To accomplish this goal, I chose to lean on my spiritual tradition. To come to terms with the suffering and use it as a navigation tool, the first thing Indian tradition tells us that self-love (very different from narcissism or selfishness) is important for self-healing.
In the morning prayer of the Sikhs, the composer, Guru Nanak Dev Ji, says that righteous action is the offspring of compassion, which in turn stands on a solid ground of contentment.
Dhaul Dharam Daya ka Poot
Sri Guru Granth Sahib, Page 3 (Japji Sahib, Pauri 16)
In my opinion, expanding the concept to a personal level, it means that a life which aspires to an ideal union of the spiritual and the material cannot be realized without compassion. Such compassion cannot arise if one is tormented with his or her own suffering. In other words, suffering is discontent.
In one of his other compositions, Guru Nanak Dev Ji says that my psychological suffering has become a medicine (a source of understanding and self-compassion), while worldly comforts and attachments have become the cause of unease.
Dukh Daru Sukh Rog Bhaya
Sri Guru Granth Sahib, Page 46
This sentiment expressed here has become my anchor of faith, helping me see light through my brokenness. Faith is made of two parts, the one is comfort and the other is courage. Comfort gives one hope and the courage gives one to accept the suffering and vulnerability through the process of self-compassion.
There is a fairy tale in which a beautiful maiden’s marriage was fixed by her mother to a vicious serpent. The girl was very scared and sought advice from a trusted old wise woman (somehow fairy tales never have old wise men) on how to deal with her husband on their wedding night. She was advised that she should put on ten dresses and upon asking for removal of her clothes by her serpent husband, she should put a condition that for every dress removed by her the serpent will shed one of his skins. The process went on and at the end the girl stood without any clothes and the serpent in a tormented raw state without any skins. Both of them stood very vulnerable and fearful. As per additional advice from the old woman, the young lady hugged and kissed the serpent and the serpent transformed himself into a beautiful prince. The moral of the story is that once we deal with our fears and vulnerabilities with compassion, the experience can be becomes positively transformative.
While it is important to be compassionate to others, we have to first look inward and accept and be compassionate toward ourselves. By not accepting the realities, one does not develop the courage to face it, and as a result, one becomes distraught and discontent. Self-compassion allow us to see ourselves and our circumstances clearly and honor our limitations.
For me, being compassionate towards myself and my circumstances has been difficult. My faith has been my support, and I continuously work to accept that both good and bad in life come from same spiritual source. When one is truly self-compassionate, suffering does not cause discontent, but rather is a state of being where it has a new meaning. In this state of heart which is filled with compassion, the divine, ageless wisdom is reflected and so are the answers to our sufferings which exist within all of us.
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