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The Acceptance of Fear

1/4/2015

48 Comments

 
In this choice-less never ending flow of life,
There is an infinite ray of choices,
One alone brings happiness to love what is.
-Dorothy Hunt
***

As I have researched for this first post and reflected upon the feelings of worry and fear, I have come across many moving quotes that speak to these heavy emotions. In particular, this composition from the ninth Guru of the Sikhs, Guru Tegh Bahadar Ji, has resonated with me tremendously.

Chinta Ta Kee Keejiye Jo Unhonee Hoy
Sri Guru Granth Sahib, pg. 1429

It means one shall worry if whatever happens is improbable. GuruJi continues his thoughts by imparting practical wisdom - saying that this is a natural law running through the universe where nothing is permanent. This includes health, status, wealth and whole host of things we cherish and try to hold forever. He implicitly advises to “go with the flow,” and to recognize that everything, whether helpful or troublesome, comes from the same spiritual source.

Worries are the children of fear. Once the process of worrying starts, the mind gets obsessed and starts creating vivid stories with bad endings. To make it worse for ourselves, we cling to these stories.

 Our brains are hardwired for fear. Fear within reason is natural, supports survival, and it has played a significant role in our evolution. It has been established that more than 30% of the time our mind is automatically in a state of worry or fear. We  worry about health, children,  money, and a host of other real or imaginary things.  

Despite the small chance of something detrimental occurring, the feeling of worry takes up so much of our time and mind space. Mark Twain said that “Worrying about something is like paying interest on a debt you don’t even know you owe.”

The process of dealing with worries and fear by resisting the thoughts makes the outcome even worse.  This reminds me of a story. A Zen Samurai soldier was meditating. A fly came and sat on his nose. He took his sword and split the fly in two. Magically both parts became whole, and there were two flies. He again, using his sword, split them in two. Now he had to contend with four flies. Each sword action kept the flies multiplying. Soon he realized that it was fighting which was making the flies multiply. Resisting thoughts is the same as killing flies. It is said that suffering is pain multiplied by resistance. Less resistance, less suffering.

 The conundrum then arises as to how to best deal with mind’s inevitable habit of worrying. If one thinks too much about your worries, they take over the who;e space in the mind , and if on etries to purposefully resist, the result is no better.

 According to Sages, mindful observation is the key to solve this problem. According to Sikh scripture, the true medicine for all (mind) inflictions is meditating on the Lord’s nature and virtues. Guru Arjun Dev Ji offers this advice telling us that contemplating and practicing virtues will bring us closer to our divine nature (thus bringing us to a place of no suffering)

Sarab Rog ka Aukhad Naam
Sri Guru Granth Sahib, pg. 274

 By clinging to our worries and fears, we are not living in the present nor are we in touch with our true selves. We forgo the blessings life offers us on a daily basis and lose the opportunity to expand our hearts with gratitude. Rumi, a Sufi mystic, implores us to entertain all happenings as blessings and guide from above:

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival
A joy, a depression, a meanness
Some momentary awareness
Comes as an unexpected visitor
Welcome and entertain them all
The dark thought, the shade, the malice
Meet them at the door laughing
And invite them in
Be grateful for whoever comes
Because each has been sent as a guide from beyond
 
Each moment, good or bad, process  in our lives brings an opportunity for freshness and tender love. We must be willing to embrace a shift in our outlook in order to see this opportunity, and open ourselves to finding our true nature through self-love – a love where fear is accepted as natural evolutionary phenomenon, but recognized as impermanent.
48 Comments
parveen Kaur Dhillon
1/6/2015 08:08:44 am

Thank you so much for creating this blog. I look forward to reading your updates and absorbing your vision into my daily life. I love your beautiful outlook and find strength in your wisdom--your words make our family roots stronger--love you Paul Mama!! xoxo

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Paul
1/6/2015 08:59:33 am

Thank you very much for your thoughts. It means a lot to me.

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Rajan Bhatia
1/6/2015 08:13:00 am

Paul,

Nice start to a spiritual journey; look forward to reading more on the subject. Just a few additions:
Mark Twain also commented , and I quote "90% of the things I worried about, never happened"
Fear arises directly as a result of attachment to our physical body (health), wealth, relationships, material things, titles etc. and the concomitant worry of losing any of these attachments. Attachment also creates expectations, which when not met will result in anger, the first vice of the soul defined as ALGAE - Anger, Lust, Greed, Attachment and Ego.

More later.....

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Paul
1/6/2015 08:58:45 am

Thank you very much for your comments. I look forward to receiving more. - Paul

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Dolly Sappal
1/6/2015 09:32:15 am

Thank you Paul for adding me to your Blog I look forward to reading more thoughts that you have God bless always I know I will learn something new everyday.

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Ameet Bagga
1/6/2015 09:58:50 am

Paul Chacha thank you so much for adding me to your blog. I look forward to more posts from you!

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Jashleen
1/6/2015 11:44:11 am

Paul Mama, this was such an inspirational post on fear and how it can easily consume you... As a new mom of 2, I have been filled with high and low emotions as well as different fears ... Your post was the absolute perfect read for me this evening, I feel so lucky that I have gained such a source of spiritual knowledge and strength through you... We love you so much and I look forward to reading your weekly posts!

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Bobby Malhotra
1/6/2015 12:50:03 pm

Paulji, thanks for adding me to your blog. Looking forward to more of your spiritual posts.

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Rachana Garg
1/6/2015 01:15:00 pm

Raju (Tilak) shared this blog with me--because I think of you and your family often. Thank you for sharing such a insightful message! I look forward to reading more..

Rachana

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Manjit
1/6/2015 01:17:46 pm

Paul finally the day has come where so many could enjoy your emotions thru this blog. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. You have always inspired me with your wisdom .

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Geeti
1/6/2015 01:39:20 pm

Thank you veerji for your inspiring thoughts. Am honored to be a part of this blog. I look forward to More :-)

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Deepa Bagga
1/6/2015 02:38:10 pm

Very inspirational thoughts from an extremely knowledgable person! I truly was touched by every line and only hope to incorporate this "worry less " thought process in my daily life.

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Renu Chopra
1/6/2015 07:54:09 pm

I'm so happy that you are documenting your thoughts and giving us a glimpse of them. I completely agree with you about how worrying affects us all. Mark Twain has a good way of putting things. I look forward to your updates.

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Tilak Singh
1/7/2015 01:04:37 am

Paul

You and I spent a lot of one on one time many years ago on the road. I continue to be impressed with your thoughts and insight. You are amazing. Love your writing, please continue to do so. We all recognize that this is a one way journey which will bring us face to face with our maker one day. However whilst traversing this road one will encounter many but remember a few.... you are one of those who always live your life without regrets. We are here for you and want to absorb more of your beautiful thoughts. Love. Tilak.

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Shelly Sawhney
1/7/2015 02:28:02 am

Paul Veerji, This is a great start to a spritual, insightful and inspirational journey.Thank you for adding me to your Blog. Look forward to being connected to your thoughts and you through this Blog

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Reena Singh
1/7/2015 06:01:32 am

Paul, I have always been inspired by your deep knowledge, wisdom and zest for life! Reading this blog, brings flashbacks of the many thought provoking conversations we shared, when I worked for you. Thank you for your blog. Am looking forward, to learning more from your reflections. You are very special. Love & Hugs.

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Pınar Sucularlı
1/7/2015 05:42:35 pm

Paul,
I am very happy to meet you,your deep philosophy thoughts alwyas impressed me and unique at my life
I m glad that you add me your blog list.and looking forward to read more and more blogs from you:)
loads of love from Turkey

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Rajprit Singh Saluja
1/8/2015 05:51:27 am

Paul Virji,
Thanks for adding me to your blog. Stress and worry have become an intrinsic part of today's modern life. Your thoughts on how to effectively deal with worry is very relevant. Loved the way you quoted Sri Guru Granth Sahib , to put your point across. Eagerly
waiting for for your next post.

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Manpreet Kapadia
1/8/2015 08:30:47 am

Paul, this is a wonderful undertaking!
By focusing on this, one gets great strength to face life from a different perspective!
Rab Rakha!
Hope you are feeling better!

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Manjit bhogal
1/8/2015 11:23:52 am

good job Paul, I like it very much. It takes time and efforts to do such work , I will look forward to read you blog, thank you again and babaji bless you with good health. Manjit bhogal

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pat bunny patheja
1/8/2015 12:47:36 pm

Hi Paul, loved your blog and will follow it. Happy new year to you and Bagga family.

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Gehna
1/8/2015 04:36:43 pm

Hi Mamu,
Such a wonderful post! It captures the essence of ever-changing life so well. Wish you a very happy New Year filled with good health and wisdom.

Lots of love,
Gehna

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Dr Rusy Bhalla
1/8/2015 05:07:05 pm

My grandfather (bless his soul) was a great thinker.A rarity in punjabis(proven by the fact that he had no hair on his head).
He told me "you will not regret the things you did in life only the the things you didn't "
Paul saab I agree with him .
I regret not having met you earlier.

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Gurneet Grewal
1/9/2015 12:48:51 am

Paul Uncle, I saw Megan, Chetan's and Pooja's post for you blog link on facebook.
Your blog post really resonated with me today. I suffer from anxiety at times and reading your blog today really made me reflect on all those times that anxiety has taken control of my life. I felt like the samurai you had mentioned continuously fighting with a sword during times that anxiety had overwhelmed me due to worry. I appreciate your wisdom and will be reading this post during times when my worrying takes control.
Niti Grewal
Happy New Year and wish you good health

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Mandeep S. Dhillon
1/9/2015 02:14:38 am

"Worries are the children of fear. Once the process of worrying starts, the mind gets obsessed and starts creating vivid stories with bad endings. To make it worse for ourselves, we cling to these stories." Nicely said! Congrats on your first blog post. Looking forward to having the benefit of your wisdom, unique perspective, and passion for inclusive spiritual inspiration.

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Jasneet Gandehok
1/10/2015 05:22:17 am

with new challenges and responsibilities ahead regarding my career, this post resonated with me a thousand times over. Each quote and each interpretation of said quote by you, uncle, has inspired a calm confidence that things will fall into place. I look forward to further guidance from this blog and you.

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Stan Casacio
1/10/2015 07:04:26 am

Thank you Paul for including me in your journey. I have often thought about life and the energy that surrounds us. I know you believe that Life is not measured in the number of years but the amount of live in those years. Keep challenging the boundaries of Life. Give a call I would love to sit and have you enlighten me about the SIkh faith and how it might heighten my meditation skills

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Carolyn Torsella
1/10/2015 12:34:28 pm

lovely, lovely, lovely. Thank you for including us. Inspiring and true to faith in a higher being. Joe and I are with you in spirit and friendship. Your blogs helps us focus on what is real and true.
Carolyn

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Janet Kimball
1/11/2015 04:39:17 am

Dear Paul,
Thank you for sharing your thoughtful blog with all of us. After reading your entries on worry and fear and the respective comments, I would like to share the following quotes:
"Do not be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there."~Author Unknown
"Let not your heart be troubled." John 14:1
As a Christian, both of these quotations resonate with me as they remind me that if we believe and trust in our Lord we have the power and strength to choose not to worry. I believe that worry and fear do nothing to change what is to come tomorrow ; instead, they steal the joy from today.
I look forward to all of your future entries. God bless you and your family.

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Jim Longon
1/12/2015 03:11:56 am

Beautiful thoughts Janet.

This is a good site.

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Stanley casacio
1/11/2015 05:58:26 am

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Chandra Mundhra
1/11/2015 10:57:43 am

Dear Paul
Thanks for sharing your blog and thoughts. I truly truly enjoyed reading each piece and got a chance to sit back and reflect on life through these thoughts that you so beautifully brought to us. I want to share something that is simple but it says a lot

"neither prejudiced by the past, nor in fear of the future.
the moment, only the moment."
Thanks again and will write more later.
Chandra

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Arjan Singh Grover
1/11/2015 02:49:38 pm

Very well written and insightful, I look forward to reading more posts!!!

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kiran
1/12/2015 12:35:34 pm

Hi Paul, I am so glad to have you as a friend. We have had the pleasure of meeting and having our families multiply in a foreign country we call home now. Keep the thought provoking ideas coming so we can continue to grow to be better people as we mature.

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chandra mundhra
1/14/2015 03:55:18 am

Hi

I keep this motivating piece on my desktop and read it very often to keep me real..hope you all enjoy and find it motivating

Taking the Risk
Permission to Be Real
by Madisyn Taylor


When we present ourselves to the world without a mask and keep it real, we offer the same opportunity for others to do the same.


Most of us are familiar with the idea of keeping it real and have an intuitive sense about what that means. People who keep it real don’t hide behind a mask to keep themselves safe from their fear of how they might be perceived. They don’t present a false self in order to appear more perfect, more powerful, or more independent. People who keep it real present themselves as they truly are, the good parts and the parts most of us would rather hide, sharing their full selves with the people who are lucky enough to know them.

Being real in this way is not an easy thing to do as we live in a culture that often shows us images of physical and material perfection. As a result, we all want to look younger, thinner, wealthier, and more successful. We are rewarded externally when we succeed at this masquerade, but people who are real remind us that, internally, we suffer. Whenever we feel that who we are is not enough and that we need to be bigger, better, or more exciting, we send a message to ourselves that we are not enough. Meanwhile, people who are not trying to be something more than they are walk into a room and bring a feeling of ease, humor, and warmth with them. They acknowledge their wrinkles and laugh at their personal eccentricities without putting themselves down.

People like this inspire us to let go of our own defenses and relax for a moment in the truth of who we really are. In their presence, we feel safe enough to take off our masks and experience the freedom of not hiding behind a barrier. Those of us who were lucky enough to have a parent who was able to keep it real may find it easier to be that way ourselves. The rest of us may have to work a little harder to let go of our pretenses and share the beauty and humor of our real selves. Our reward for taking such a risk is that as we do, we will attract and inspire others, giving them the permission to be real too.

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Chandra
1/14/2015 01:56:27 pm

Thanks for your comments and insightful thoughts on the subject. Being truthful to ourselves and as extension to people around us is as suggested by you is not easy. As somebody said that I do not want to be friend with a person who has not suffered. We hide behind a persona, which in Greek means mask. In this day and age acknowledging suffering is considerd a sign of weakness as opposed to sign of strength. The people who acknowledge and move on do earn our adoration and show us the path
Thanks Again

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Amarjeet Chandok
1/15/2015 12:12:03 pm

Paulji, I was really impressed the way you put realities of life in such simple words. Please keep up the good work. Thanks for adding me to your blog.

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Eric
1/16/2015 01:52:07 am

Paul,
"May Peace be Upon you"

I have so much to say regarding your two post. "The power of Now" comes to mind. (Fear is a pain body).. When dealing with the acronym of F.alse E.nergy A.ppearing R.eal one has to reflect head on.

There are many variables for different folk. Within the parameters of culture, class, and ethnicity, fear is governed in many ways. Everyone creates different stories depending on circumstance, which are based on fear. This is a very complex subject. (The unknown)..

One of the top 10 variables are nature versus nurture, and experience. Five years ago today we had our baby girl- Fear was a beacon for my wife. I use the word beacon because, fear can be a device used in many ways.

In most cultures fear is used to control. Each class in most societies view fear differently. As well each ethnicity is ruled by fear through natural desires- "what if" "how" these are precursors words to fear.

Then one Examines the experience of others through a prism of models, the ways and means through class. Just reflect on the aspect of social stratification... (caste system)

One brings this with them and think how fear is governed unless one comes with a deep spiritual connection of education. I use the word - (education) by way of understanding not enlightenment. Spiritual understanding is an enlightenment in itself.

Again this is a very complex subject as it pertains to human nature- parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system and the prefrontal lobe.. Question: without these two can fear exist?

Paul the gift I saw from you- was that you have always been mature even as a boy. Your thirst for understanding started you on this journey. As you grew and took flight, with this understanding your wisdom guided you to give, despite the takers who came in your life...

The essence of your spirit provides comfort for many, many, people. This is unique in itself. I am happy to say that I've met you.

"Continue to give my friend it eases the soul"

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Rachna Bagga
1/27/2015 02:53:54 pm

Your wisdom and knowledge have always been inspiring and now these findings on life's various aspects which we want to deal with but are held back because we we find them difficult to deal with..... are made so easy to understand by you! Thank you for sharing your philosophy of life. And we wish you the best of health.

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jaan gill
1/27/2015 04:22:57 pm

Hello Paul,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts , I am glad we met
All my life, I have been scared of “letting go”. Be it something as little as a pen stand that was broken, a bed-side clock that was not working, a doll that had turned ugly or a friend that caused more damage than good to my being . Just the thought of its absence would shudder me. Even though deep inside I knew that I needed to let go, to grow, to nurse my heart, to free my soul.

Sometimes things come in your life, to teach you all about what a journey or life should be. You know it better than anyone else that its causing your little heart so much damage that it would be hard to recover from but you still drag it, push it, carry it because you have not perfected the art of “letting go”.


As you age/grow/mature, you realize that letting go is one of the most courageous things you will ever do. Let your heart hurt, don’t convince yourself that it’s easy, don’t tell yourself that it does not matter, don’t try to fool yourself. Feel the pain, accept the hurt, cry if you must, and then let go! Because nothing in your life should stay longer than they deserve to.

Remind yourself that there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story in your heart, so talk it out, talk it out where you would not be judged, to yourself, to your dog, to your pillow may be or go talk to your mother!

Life is too short to cry over, they came for a reason, taught you what you needed to learn from them and now they are in the past for a reason! We sometimes burden our little hearts with things that weigh it down, do your heart a favor, replace it what lifts it up, mentally and emotionally. So all my people out there, it happened, its over, take it in your stride, now shine on and let go. What you had is past, and don't let the fear of future ruin the present.

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gurjeet
1/29/2015 03:51:21 am

Hi paul
Keep up the good fight. I recently read a fascinating book called. Mind over Medecine. The power to heal your body with your mind. Please read it.
Just remember..it is what you think that happens.

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Swarn Gandehok
2/2/2015 05:54:44 am

Paul,

Wonderfully written article!! I hope you will keep enlightening us with your thought provoking blogs for a long time to come.

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Pooja Bhagia Mittra
2/6/2015 02:15:01 pm

Hi Paul Uncle,

Thanks so much for sending us your thoughts and giving us something to think about.

This topic of fear really hits home for me because I used to have a fear of- basically everything! As I child I would obsess over thoughts of burglars breaking into our home- where our family would hide- I even made my mom call the cops at night when dad was out of town because I heard noises (which turned out to be a squirrel in the attic). Then that fear manifested into hypochondria in my early -late 20's.... And now with God's grace I'm finally at peace with just not obsessing about things I don't have control over and it's so liberating !

It came at a good time, considering I'm a mother now and have to be strong and brave for my Pari. I have a brand new form of appreciation for parents, mine, you, Khushi Aunty, because I realize now how parents mask any form of stress or fear to be strong and protect their children.

Anyway, I could go on :) Thx again for sharing. This is a great blog.

Please come see us again- we had a great time last time you all were here.

Pooja

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Karan Kamboh
2/11/2015 06:29:48 am

What an amazing blog! Your thoughts are so insightful and tying together religion with problems we encounter in our daily lives really helps to put things in perspective. It seems that the no matter how much time passes, the problems that men and women face do not seem to change. I look forward to more of your writing!

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jaan
3/19/2015 03:31:59 pm

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Natasha Malhotra Bagchi
3/23/2015 07:50:26 am

Thank you for the thoughtful posts, painful reminders that life can be figured out if we let the unobstructed light in.

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Sarabjeet Bhutani
9/9/2015 04:01:27 pm

Paul Mama~ Thank you so much for enlightening me by sharing your thoughts, insights and knowledge. You are a wealth of information~ how generous of you to allow us to join you on your journey. I look forward to your blogs. I often re-visit what I have read. Each time I am left with yet a new discovery. You have a way of making words and images come alive with meaning. Thank you for directing me to discover grace, goodness and optimism in my own life. Blessed to have you in my life.

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Janet Kimball
9/19/2015 08:04:45 am

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    I will be using this blog to share my thoughts on human nature, philosophy, and religion. 

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    Thanks,
    Paul
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